Loss of Rational Thinking

Note: Perhaps the most common ailment suffered by vacationers worldwide.

Cause: Overwhelming desire for a vacation and/or exposure to foreign environment leads to malfunction or total shutdown of ability to spot rip-offs, run-arounds, scams, cons and other objectionable activity perpetrated on sufferer.

Symptoms: Sudden, inexplicable ability to overlook/ignore/acquiesce to overly-expensive package deals, ridiculously overbooked flights, outrageously bad rates at currency exchange bureaus, incompetent service at hotels and attractions, misleading car-rental costs, draconian insurance policies and other such experiences.

Complications: Inability to communicate while in a foreign country; limited funds; someone else made the arrangements.

Cure: Travel with or have arrangements made by someone less prone to suffer from this dangerous condition.

Preventive Measure (s): Research and constantly compare offers available to determine which is most reasonably priced; obtain simple phrase book in order to communicate while in a foreign country; more effectively, find a knowledgeable travel companion who speaks the language. Inform person making the travel arrangements of unpleasant repercussions which may be visited upon them if it is determined that the arrangements are incompetent and/or unnecessarily expensive.

Measure of last resort: Bear through holiday and bury the memories upon return.

Holiday Stress

Note: This condition much more likely to be suffered by families travelling with young children and newly weds on their honeymoon.

Cause: Aggravated clash of personalities/desires between travel companions; enduring discomforting experiences (may be due to weather, food, money or other issues) during vacation.

Symptoms: Constant complaints and/or arguing; general sense of discomfort and displeasure; elevated blood pressure; depleted bank account without corresponding increase in levels of pleasure and enjoyment.

Complications: Intimate knowledge of travel companion (s) weak points and desire to irritate for no reason at all; general determination to ‘have the greatest vacation ever’, regardless of actual situation.

Cure: Another vacation is highly recommended to compensate for the stress of current vacation. Preferably, with new travelling companions.

Preventive Measure (s): Ensure the companionship is tolerable before departure; formulate an emergency plan for situations when companionship becomes intolerable — i.e., when is it ok to call it quits and return, who gets the blame and so on.

Vacation Soreness

Cause: Physical condition typically occurring after extended bouts of shopping and sightseeing.

Symptom (s): Sore arms and shoulders (from carrying too many shopping bags of inane souvenirs); sore legs and calf (from too much walking while sightseeing and shopping); sore neck and index fingers (from long term weight of camera on neck and from taking too many pictures).

Complications: Weight imbalance issue (travel companion (s) sneakily gives sufferer more bags to carry than is fair); sore back (lifting heavy suitcases to avoid paying for porterage); sore mood (cumulative effect of general soreness).

Cure: Rest and relaxation is generally the most effective cure. Massage therapy is recommended as an additional aid to relief. More drastic measures may include making travel companion (s) carry all luggage for remainder of vacation.

Preventive Measure (s): a multi-approach cure is recommended. If possible, have shops send purchases straight to hotel. If not, ensure shopping bags are distributed evenly between travel companions or establish a drop off point for shopping bags (i.e., hotel, tour bus, travel companion who been selected/has elected to be ‘guardian of the bags’) so that sufferer is not burdened with excessive weight. Schedule sightseeing trips at moderate intervals to allow for rest periods in between. Don’t pack suitcases too heavily or pay for porterage. Ensure adequate rest to alleviate sore mood.

Munching Fever

Cause: Ailment most commonly occurs when faced with a foreign dining experience, coupled with acute hunger from too many hours of sightseeing.

Symptom (s): A constant urge to eat, accompanied by hesitation to eat the native fare of destination country. May also be coupled with a delicate stomach.

Complications: Distrust of cleanliness and/or quality of the native fare, queasiness at sight of native fare and most seriously, an irrational insistence on eating sufferer’s native cuisine even when thousands of miles away from native land.

Cure: Multi-level treatment may be required. Mild sufferers may be coaxed to try some of the native fare, and monitored to observe reactions to this experimental approach. If sufferer shows no adverse reactions, further treatment is unnecessary. More drastic remedies require the sufferer to be placed on a diet of international conglomerate fast foods until the end of vacation. Most severe cases may require a special diet of sufferer’s native foods until end of vacation.

Preventive Measure (s): Watch television documentaries (particularly Discovery channel or National Geographic) or browse through appropriate cookbooks to begin acclimatising to native fare of destination country. If possible, have a meal at an ethnic restaurant in home city to get an preview of native fare. For moderate to acute sufferers, bring rations from home for duration of vacation.