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 So,
you're on a trip through the United Kingdom and want to visit the oh-so-typical
British pub. You’ve chosen a likely looking place, walked in and even managed to snag a table.
Now the problems begin - you
can’t find a waiter, there aren’t any menus, the bar staff seem to be avoiding
you and you can’t for the life of you figure out what’s on tap behind the bar.
Help! What are you supposed to do?
Not to worry. For most first time visitors to a British pub, here's a few
practical matters to be aware of:
Where’s the waiter? Unless you fancy seeing what the other side of eternity
looks like, don’t bother waiting for the waiter. There aren’t any. Pubs are
strictly self service, which means you walk up to the bar, order the drinks for
the whole table, pay for it then and there, and cart all the drinks back to the
tables yourself. The only exception is when you order food — the staff will
(sometimes)
bring it to the table, but will still expect you to order at the bar. Some
really popular city pubs
will have waiter service during really busy times, but don’t bet on it.
Where’s the food? Since there’s no waiter service, you’ll have to go to the bar
to order your food. The choices are usually listed on a chalk board somewhere
behind the bar, or you can ask the bar staff about the menu. The dishes will
generally be simple, hearty fare, with simple, hearty names like Ploughman’s
Lunch, or Shepherd’s Pie and the inevitable side orders of thick, greasy chips.
Vegetarians generally have to make do with a few peas or a cabbage leaf for vegetables,
though some pubs are beginning to serve healthier food. The good thing about pub grub
is that it’s generally very filling, good value for money, and so typically
British you’ll feel like saying, “I say, jolly good meal, that!”
Where’s the queue?
Even when crowding haphazardly around a bar, the British
mania for queuing is at work, though in this case, it’s a ‘mental’ queue,
not a physical one. The first person to come to the bar gets served first, the
next person is served next and so on along the ‘invisible queue’. Everyone is
well aware of their place in the queue and anyone who tries to get served out of
turn is frowned on. The bar staff have an almost spooky ability to keep track of
who’s rightfully next in line, and serve accordingly. Trying to jump queue is
strictly frowned upon, and most bar staff don't tolerate it anyway.
How do I get noticed?
Having said all that, bar staff aren’t infallible, so the trick is to make
yourself noticed without making it look like you’re trying to get served out of
turn. This being Britain, shouting ‘service’, banging the counter, snapping your
fingers, or any such obvious gesticulations or demands will label you as
ill-bred. The quiet, proper British way to do it is to catch the staff’s eye
with the minimum of attention drawn to yourself. Wearing a slightly hopeful
expression and holding money or empty glass in your hand will help. If you can
manage to position yourself next to someone who’s already being served, it might
be easier to get the staff to notice you.
 What do I order?!
Britain has hundred of varieties of beer available - ales,
ciders, bitter, lager, and the more exotic spirits. Pubs will often have about
20 beers on tap, some in bottles and very few in cans. The normal sizes for the
drinks are a pint and a half. A ‘pint’ in Britain is 0.568 litres, and a ‘half’
is, obviously, half that. If you ask for just a beer in Britain, you’ll
generally be given a lager. If you ask for anything else, be prepared for
anything else, be prepared to be overwhelmed.
At this point, you can either choose to just take your chances and pick
something at random, or ask for help. Some of the publicans and bar staff are
very knowledgeable about their beers and if they have the time, will be happy to
talk you to about them. If you’re lucky, you may also find a well-informed
native who’s willing to go into more detail then you’ll ever need to know.
Do note that traditional British beer is really drunk at room temperature for
the best taste, which can be disconcerting for drinkers used to seeing ice in
their mugs. Bitters are a very full-bodied version of lager, each with its own
distinctive taste and characteristic. Ciders in Britain are alcoholic and can
have quite a kick. If you’re interested, there’s plenty to learn about the
different varieties. Be careful though — British beers, ciders and ales tend to
be fairly alcoholic compared to their American counterparts, so trying a little
bit of everything can be a quick way to introduce yourself to the floor.
Be careful of how you order. If you’re drinking from a bottle, you just order ‘a
bottle of…” and that’s that. If you order from on tap, it’s another story. In
England, you generally order by type — ‘a pint of lager’, or ‘a half of ale’. In
Northern Ireland, people tend to order by brand — ‘a pint of Harp’ or a ‘Half of
Guinness’. In some places, you may say ‘a glass’ instead of ‘a half’. In
Scotland, a shot of whiskey may be called ‘a half ‘un’, not to be mistaken for a
‘half’. Confused yet?
In most pub, fancy cocktails and other designer drinks are unfamiliar territory
— the bar staff may have heard of it, but probably won’t know how to prepare it.
The exception is in the circuit pubs, were designer drinks are their stock in
trade, the more exotic the better. In any other pub, the drinks are distinctly
less outrageous.
What’s the mad rush for? In Britain, pubs are
open from 11 am to 11:20 pm. In most bars, you’ll see a bell or a light around
the bar area. At 11:10 pm, the bell is rung, or the light flashes. This is the
last call, after which the staff are legally required to stop serving drinks.
Then an interesting thing happens: the normally placid Brits will, en masse,
rush to the bar to get in their last orders, even when their glasses are still
full. Once the drinks are obtained, pub patrons are legally given 20 minutes to
finish up their drinks before the enforced closing time of 11: 30pm, which is
when the bar staff begin herding their patrons out the door.
These are just a few of the things you'll probably be wondering about when you
first step into your local British pub. There are plenty of other
not-so-mysterious problems you might encounter - like just who's turn is it during the dart game; or what's with
the spooky looking picture in the corner; and why in the world does everyone in
the joint seem to have a silly nickname?!
For the answer to all these questions and more, the best thing to do is to hop
down to your local pub and ask around. You might just learn a thing or two -
over a nice warm mug of ale, of course.
Book United Kingdom Hotels
here
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